


Haikyuu Angst Stories

by applelyn_madoka83



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion, haikyuu, 聲の形 | Koe no Katachi | A Silent Voice (Anime)
Genre: A silent voice refrences, Angst, Car Accident, Crying, Gen, Grave digging, Letter, Loss, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Multi, Neon Genesis Evangelion References, Other, Rain, Sickness, Sleep Paralysis, Suicide mentions, Trigger Warnings, Vomit, hallucination, hit and run, vent - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:14:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27425530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/applelyn_madoka83/pseuds/applelyn_madoka83
Summary: It’s just as the title saysTrigger warnings:Hit and runDeathSuicide mentionMental breakdownVentVomitR*pe mentionsDruggingS*cide AttemptPlease do NOT read this if you are sensitive or simply do not like any of these topics, thanks.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Comments: 3
Kudos: 40





	1. Hallucinations (!Death!)

“Bokuto-san.” Akaashi smiled at Bokuto as he set the plate of fish on the dinner table. Bokuto grinned as he saw his lover walk back to the kitchen to bring back the other trays. 

“Akaashi! Need any help?” Bokuto excitedly said, bouncing up and down. Akaashi looked content, “sure.” Bokuto took the bowl of soup a little too quickly. Walking way too fast to the table, he accidentally spilled some of the soup on the floor and himself. 

“AHHHJKHHJ!!” Bokuto screamed. Akaashi quickly got a paper towel and wiped the soup off of him swiftly. “There’s no need to worry about me.” Akaashi grinned. 

Sitting down at the table the pair thanked the universe for their food and began to dig into the food. “This is good!!” Bokuto said. Akaashi grinned, but on the inside he had to grimace, he needed to move on. 

Akaashi slid out a piece of paper, and a bottle with pills. “Bokuto-San, here you go, please read it.” Akaashi slid the piece of paper across the table towards his lover. 

Bokuto picked up the piece of paper and opened it up, there he began to read. 

“Dear Bokuto-San,

It’s been a year since you and I became teammates, I loved every moment with you, the way you’d cheer after every spike, the way you’d scream “HEY HEY HEY” after a good game, I loved being your setter.

But there is one thing you need to know. You have to let go of me, it’s getting kinda old. I’m not here even more.”

Bokuto’s face suddenly dropped. “Aka-“ suddenly he felt a mysterious liquid being forced into his mouth with some hardened items. A cold hand clamped his mouth shut. It was very cold, way too cold for a living human. 

Suddenly Bokuto collapsed on the ground, feeling faint and dizzy, Akaashi walked away without any complaint as Bokuto tried to reach out to him. 

Suddenly he remembered, it was the end of his 3rd year, and Akaashi was going to cross the road to go home, he had only walked out on the street for a short distance until a car appeared out of nowhere and slammed his brakes so hard that the car flipped. Onto Akaashi.

Bokuto remembered feeling very numb, all that screaming, the petrified cries, the siren of the police and ambulance. Akaashi was dead on impact, the driver didn’t look so hot either, they were killed on impact too. Blood was everywhere. 

Bokuto couldn’t remember what happened afterwards but a police questioned him about Akaashi, and the last time he ever saw him was at his funeral. 

“I love you Akaashi...” Bokuto smiled sadly. Pressing a pale cold hand against his cheek Bokuto knew he was unstoppable, even the police couldn’t stop him...


	2. Semi’s Breakdown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by Asuka’s breakdown in Neon Genesis Evagelion

On a fair glance, Semi was just a regular teenager, maybe a little emo looking, but overall he was a regular teen. 

He cared for others, like a mother would. However, he had this one junior that he “hated...” Shirabu Kenjirou. He hated Shirabu, he always made fun of him for losing his spot on the starting line, Semi’s actual setter performance was being affected heavily. Not too mention, he reminded Semi of his own mother...

“Eita...” past Semi used to say. Semi swore to himself to forget, boy, he couldn’t stop crying that he couldn’t cry anymore, it was buried so far deep inside him. Semi hated it. “Momma! Please don’t leave me! Look at me!” Semi begged and begged for his mother to spare even a glance at him.

But even so, his mother ignored him. “Please don’t stop being my mother!” Semi wailed. “Momma!” “Momma no please!” Semi screamed, his mother laughed as she pulled out a rope from her mattress covers. “Eita.” She grinned. 

Semi got onto his knees so fast. “MOMMA! Please don’t kill me!” Semi’s tears fell onto the floor as he continued shouting. “I’m not momma’s boy! I’m an adult and I can think and act for myself!” Semi screamed, he screamed and cried until his throat was hoarse. 

Semi clutched his head as he slammed into the desk in front of him. Reon jumped as he watched his roommate scream. “No! I don’t wanna remember this! I don’t wanna remember this at all! Stop it please! Stop it now!” 

Meanwhile, Semi’s mother was being strung on a rope, a strangled voice started to speak. “Please Eita...die with me...” she grinned. Semi walked closer to his mother. “If that’s what you want...but please don’t stop being my mother! I’ll tie with you!” Semi cried. “Momma! Momma!” Semi’s mother looked at him. “Momma? Who are you?” 

Semi stomped on a plush toy that his new mother gave him as a gift. His father was scolding him. “This is a present from your new mother. Do you not like it?” Semi got upset. “No! I grew up faster than other people! I don’t need a stupid stuffed toy!” Semi snarled. 

“I’m Semi! Semi Eita! Glad to be your teammate, charmed huh.” “What are you stupid!” “And now’s my chance to beat Kenjirou.” “Put me back! Put me back!” 

Semi clutched his head tighter, “no! None of this is the real me!” 

Semi couldn’t stop the fact that all of that was playing in his head like a loop. Semi tried to stop it, he really did. Hypersexualized at a young age really took a toll on him. 

Semi felt himself on a bridge, he was walking to the end of it, when he reached the end he started to step off, but only he started to morphe into a large red thing. He tried to squirm free, “help me! Help me!” He screamed. Nobody even noticed.

Feeling a shoulder hit him gently, he saw Tendou holding Shirabu’s arm. “Semi, you’re still a child.” He said bitterly. Semi’s eyes widened. Shirabu smirked. “Damn you!” Semi started to curse him out. “You never did anything for me! You never helped me! You won’t even hold me! You’re no one! You’re NO ONE!” Semi’s mind screamed loudly at him. 

“NO ONE!” Semi screamed mentally. 

“Why won’t you look at me!” 

“Are you lonely?” Goshiki’ dark reached out to 2nd year Semi with his head in his arms. 

“NO!” At once, Goshiki began to disappear.

“Do you love me? Do you need me? Stay away for me! I can do things on my own! I won’t rely on anyone!” 

“But you’re lying...” 

Semi screamed, his mind finally letting him free. Semi fell out of the chair, holding his palms over his ears, he started to cry as Reon rushed over, trying to calm him down.


	3. Self Projection

Yamaguchi was always second choice... he hated it, but he had to get used to it. Because there was always someone that was way more better than him. 

It all began when he joined the volleyball club with Tsukishima, right away, he noticed he wasn’t as good as the rest, his serves were a little wonky, he couldn’t jump as high as the tangerine. He really hated it. But he had to keep Tsukishima happy, right?

At first he only focused on doing well in his studies and volleyball, but as time went by, he realized he was almost always second choice, only being subbed in during the worst moments. 

On dark lonely nights would he cry, he often cried himself to sleep. He hated himself, he really did, he taught himself how to silent cry so the others wouldn’t worry about him at Training camps.

He liked picking at his skin, but he didn’t because then it would leave scars on it, but it was so fun! The way it would come off, the way blood would stain on his fingers. He would stare at himself for prolonged amounts of time in the mirror, at his naked body. He hated how everything looked so, out of place,

He was so scrawny...were his bullies right? He only cried when he thought of it. 

Even when others would compliment him and genuinely like him, he felt as if all of it was fake, Yamaguchi felt worthless, as if he could only be loved by one person, Tsukishima.

It felt as if he kept getting compared to everyone else...


	4. Shibayama’s breakdown

The ball thumped against the empty gym floor as Shibayama panted, he was so exhausted, but he needed to practice if he wanted to get as good as Yaku-san. 

“Go get a drink!” Kuroo yelled from across the gym, Shibayama almost jumped out of his skin. “Y-yes captain!” As Shibayama started to walk off the court, he slumped as he felt a hand on his shoulder. “You’re overworking yourself Shiba-kun.” Inouka’s kind brown eyes stared at the ravenette. 

Shibayama held back tears as he walked off the court sadly. “I’ll call you for dinner!” Yaku yelled from the hall. Shibayama started to run, he didn’t dare to look back, he was so ashamed of himself. 

Sinking down behind the far part of the gym, Shibayama slumped down as tears started running down his face. 

“Useless child, all you’re ever good for is decoration, useless, useless, useless, no one will ever love you! Wimp!” 

Shibayama stuffed his head between his knees, crying, he felt water fall onto his face. 

Raising his tear stained face, he looked up at a rainy and cloudy sky. 

“Great...as if this day couldn’t get any worse...” Shibayama mumbled through choked sobs.

It started to rain harder and suddenly there was thunder, Shibayama flinched as he started sobbing, he was sure that other people could hear him, but that was the least of his concerns, he was getting soaked by the rain. 

Meanwhile, in the dinner hall, Yachi, Karasuno’s second manager was checking the attendance of the teams there, along with Mako, Shinzen’s manager. 

“Someone’s missing from the Nekoma table...” Yachi mumbled, tapping her pen against the clipboard. 

Nervously walking up to the libero of Nekoma, she nervously tapped his shoulder. “Uhh...one of your teammates is missing...” Yaku’s face dropped. “Shibayama! Shit!” 

Yachi panicked at his sudden outburst as Yaku apologized for screaming “at” her. Kuroo overheard the conversation and quickly pulled out an umbrella from his bag. 

Handing the umbrella to Kenma who was tapping away on his game, Kenma looked up with nothing but pure disgust and annoyance. “You...want me to go find him?” 

Kuroo smirked. “Yes. And I intend for you to bring him back here.” Kenma closed his game as he took the umbrella and opened it outside.

He actually liked being outside, it was less scary than being in the gym with many people and he felt the cool air hit his skin. 

Walking around a corner of the gym, he saw the ravenette sniffling with his head in his arms. 

“You...” Shibayama raised his head, and it was clear that he had been crying, his eyes were red and puffy, tears stains were still present, lips quivering. 

“Kenma...san? Why are y-you here?” Shibayama sniffled weakly. Kenma looked away awkwardly, holding the umbrella above their heads. “You need to come back inside...” Kenma mumbled.

Suddenly he realized something, Shibayama had been sitting out in the rain for a damn long time, he was soaked, and he was crying, so that meant he might be sick. Pressing a hand to the smaller boy’s forehead, Kenma’s eyes widened as he realized Yuuki was heating up.

“Let’s go...” Kenma took the boy’s hand and helped him get up, Shibayama started to stumble, he was weak, Kenma quickly held him up as they went into the cafe, Kuroo and Yaku quickly rushing towards them.

“Where were you Shibayama! We were worried about you!” “You’re all soaked!” “Were you crying?” “Go to the nurse’s office, NOW!” “I’ll tell the coach that you have a fever.” 

Shibayama sneezed twice on their way to the nurse, the nurse took one look at the boy and he was immediately in her care. 

The nurse was Yukie, she was responsible for the well-being of other members.

Yachi and Mako were attendance keepers, Saeko and Kiyoko cooked, Kaori and Eri made sure everything was originized and in place.

Helping the boy skip off his clothes, the two had to stop their embarrassment as Yukie had to watch and bathe him due to how weak he was. 

“Sorry...” Shibayama mumbled. “What are you apologizing for?! It’s totally fine!” Yukie shook it off. 

Helping him to the makeshift bed, Yukie walked out of the Medbay as she went to get his medicine and food. Shibayama shivered and felt overall uncomfy.

Shibayama sneezed again as he started to tear up a little. 

“Okay~ Shibayama! I got your food and medicine!” Yukie cheerfully said as she bounded Into the room along with Yachi. 

Shibayama struggled to get up as Yachi took his temperature, “102.4°F...” Yachi mumbled, “it’s not good!” Shibayama sneezed and shivered at the same time.

“I’m not hungry...” Shibayama chattered. “You have to take something along with the medicine, or else you’re gonna throw up.” Yukie mumbled, handing him a spoonful of rice. 

Shibayama unwillingly took the rice as he ate only a few bites of it with some seaweed seasoning on top of it. “I...I don’t want it...” Shibayama sniffled, feeling as if he might cry again. “Yachi, take it back to the cafeteria.” Yukie ordered. 

Yukie turned towards the poor boy as she opened the bottle of medicine and poured a bottle of water into a glass jar. “Here, you should take this, it might make you feel better.” Shibayama took it as he slumped into bed.

Sometimes some people would come and check on him, some would peer into the room, and leave afterwards. 

Suddenly waking up in the middle of the night, Yuuki’s hands became clammy and his spit was more sticky than usual, he knew he was gonna throw up. 

Usually he would call for his mother, but she wasn’t here right now. Standing up, he tried to walk over to the bathroom the best he could, Fukunaga was also awake, “oh!” He whispered as he followed the boy into the bathroom.

Shibayama entered the biggest stall, barely making it there, he gagged as he struggled to breathe as vomit splashed violently into the bowl.

Fukunaga entered after him, right...he had forgotten to close the door...oops. 

“Oh? Stomach problems?” Fukunaga mumbled, holding a new cup of water in his hands. “Did you eat something bad? Are you sick? Allergic? Do you want me to get the coach?” 

Shibayama shook his head as he dry heaved up another fountain of bile into the poor toliet. Shibayama coughed and vomited again due to the smell. “I’m sick...” Shibayama sniffled, tears running down his face. 

Fukunaga flushed the toliet and wiped Yuki’s mouth as he handed the glass of water over to Shibayama. “Thanks” Shibayama took the glass like a god sent from heaven. He drank the water carefully, only to soon throw up again, sniffling, he pushed back his bangs as Fukunaga rubbed his back. 

Lifting him up from the bathroom floor, Fukunaga helped him wash up and head back to the Med room as Shibayama broke down in tears cried himself to sleep that night while Fukunaga rubbed his back lovingly.


	5. Night Terrors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shibayama has terrifying night terrors

It was training camp season and Shibayama liked having training camps. 

But there was a cost that came with the joy of meeting other teams, he had night terrors even worse than before.

Getting onto the bus, Shibayama looked back at the other members as he walked to his seat. “Yuki!” Inouka’s voice cut through the many conversations that were happening at the moment, Shibayama excidetly walked over to the brunette, plopping down next to him he grinned.

The bus ride there was really chill, with members either sleeping, talking, or gaming, the coaches were even talking and laughing together. 

Shibayama fell asleep on Inouka’s shoulder, but the bus stopped and he swore he felt himself slam into something, a hand stopping him from slamming into the chair in front of him, Shibayama flinched, lurching back and causing a scene for the people in the back.

Yaku and Kai were in the back. “Shibayama-kun? Is everything alright?” Shibayama was shaking, nodding he pretended to open his bag, and shoved his face into it.

He seriously hated falling asleep during training camps.

The air was cold, and that only made his eyes water even more. “We’re here!” Coach Nekomata’s voice rang through the bus as Shibayama wiped away his tears while zipping up his backpack. 

The day went by uneventfully, with practice matches, dinner and some extra practice, Shibayama headed to bed and slept with no problem at all.

The next night, Shibayama was on edge, he had a feeling something was gonna go wrong.

Yaku had also been on edge too, he kept looking over his shoulder to see if the latter was going to throw up, burst into tears, or run. 

“You’re worrying too much Yakkun” Kuroo grinned, Kenma paying no attention to what was happening around him.

“No, it’s like something’s been bothering him.” Yaku mumbled, rubbing his temples, “it’s like a 6th sense here!”

Shibayama headed into their shared room as he slumped over, Yaku immediately walked over to the younger, “are you sick?” Feeling his forehead, the boy didn’t have a fever, that was good, but he decided to monitor the boy.

“I’m gonna go to sleep.” Shibayama mumbled very quietly. Laying down, he closed his eyes, drifting off.

Suddenly waking up, Shibayama tried to get up, finding that he could, he got up and touched Yaku’s arm. “Yaku-san?” Yaku didn’t respond.

Shibayama tried again. “Yaku-san!” Yaku paid no attention to him at all, Shibayama was close to tears at this point.

“Yaku-san! This isn’t funny anymore! Look at me!” Shibayama screamed.

Suddenly feeling blood rush through his ears, he looked back at his sleeping body. 

Shibayama was back in his body, but his eyes were closed, but yet he could see everything. Shibayama tried to get Yaku’d attention, but his entire body was frozen, stuck.

Shibayama started to cry. He could hear words around him. “Worthless, Useless Child, Failure, I miss the old you.”

“Please stop!” Shibayama cried, but nobody could hear him, suddenly his eyes snapped open and he sat up too fast.

Yaku immediately turned towards the boy, seeing that something was causing him extreme amounts of distress, Yaku immediately ushered everyone out of the room. 

“Out! Now!” Yaku half screamed, shoving Kenma and Kuroo out. “Good luck Yakkun!” Kuroo smirked.

Shibayama was so embarrassed, he could feel tear streaming down his face, desperately trying to wipe them away, Yaku noticed this. 

“Yuki?” Shibayama started to sob, Yaku helped wipe away some of the latter’s tears. “What happened?” 

Shibayama sniffled. “Those dreams again?” Yaku mumbled. Shibayama was basically shaking in fear, crying he nodded. 

Yaku embraced Shibayama in a hug, “it’ll be alright.” He said.

Shibayama knew everything was going to be alright


	7. Shirabu’s Tears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW!! Mentions of Suicide

Shirabu was finally gonna do it. He had already wrote his last letter, and tucked it under his pillow, walking out of his shared dorm, he whispered a last and final goodbye to his best friend, Taichi, he had always been there when he was sobbing endlessly into his arms. 

But now...he had to leave Taichi. “I’m...sorry.” He mumbled as he walked out of the second year dorms. 

Shiratowizawa’s campus was really large, so it wasn’t unusual for there to be a pond, Shirabu mindlessly walked out of the dorm complex as he made his way to the pond. 

It was 3 am, and Goshiki couldn’t sleep. He just felt that something was awfully wrong. Like really wrong. 

He got up and put on a jacket and some sneakers that he found in his section of his shared dorm. 

Walking out of the first year’s dorm, he started to jog a little to ease his tensions. 

Someone was out here too. Goshiki could feel it. 

Shirabu made his way to the pond as he sat down near the wooden bearings. 

“You don’t even exist to me.” He mumbled, slipping off his shoes, was this really it? Was he gonna end it in the pond?

What would his team think? Hesitating at the dock, he suddenly decided that he didn’t wanna do it. He felt embarrassed, why was he such a wussy? 

He hated himself for not being brave enough, he hated the fact he was second choice, why...why did his mother even give birth to him.

Would his mother even care if he died? After all she loved his two younger brothers more than him. His parents didn’t even care when he got accepted to Shiratowizawa without a athletic scholarship.

Goshiki made his way around the pond, spotting a lanky figure, Goshiki nearly jumped out of his skin, making his way closer very cautiously, he sighed as he realized that it was just Shirabu.

But wait? Why was Shirabu still out here? “Shirabu-san?” 

Shirabu snapped out of it once he realized that he heard his name being called. “Huh...?” He cringed at the way his voice was so strangled, he didn’t realize he had been crying, confusion turned to rage was he snapped at the latter. “What are you doing out here this early?”   
“Has anyone told you to mind your goddamn business.” 

Goshiki ignored all of these nasty insults as he made his way over the setter. 

“Shirabu? What’s wrong? Why are your shoes off?” Shirabu started to back away from the pond as his eyes grew even wider, was Goshiki trying to kill him? 

“Go! Go away!” Shirabu trembled, tears falling as he started to cry audibly. 

“I just want to help you!” Goshiki called out as Shirabu froze, he couldn’t move. How pathetic was he? 

“I...I can’t...” Shirabu mumbled, collapsing against a tree, slipping his shoes back on. 

Goshiki ran over to the setter as Shirabu covered his face with his knees and arms. 

“Shirabu! I hate seeing you like this! What’s wrong!” Goshiki cried. 

Shirabu looked up in pure rage, “shut up, we’re gonna wake the dorms.” He snapped through tears. 

Meanwhile, Taichi had got up too, he looked at the bottom bunk, and realized that Shirabu wasn’t there. 

Did he go for a run? No...it’s too early, besides, it’s only 3am. Taichi thought, he couldn’t fall asleep, the thoughts clouded his mind intensely.

Goshiki was trying to comfort Shirabu who was basically hysterical in tears at this point. “I...I just wanna...be appreciated...” Shirabu cried through sobs. 

Goshiki tried to wipe away the setter’s tears, but found that he only cried more when he did. 

“P-please don’t cry Shirabu-San!” Goshiki whimpered. Shirabu sniffled, trying to calm himself down. 

“...sorry...I’m such a failure to the team...” Shirabu sniffled. Goshiki threw his arms around the setter as he rested his head against his back. 

“Well...I think you’re pretty great.” 

That was the moment Shirabu started to sob even harder than before.

Taichi started to climb down from his top bunk, lifting up Shirabu’s pillow, a piece of paper fell out. 

Huh? What’s this? Taichi mumbles, flicking on a light, he opened the paper carefully. 

Reading the note, his face turned into a wave of panic. How could he be so blind to his friend’s pain? 

Suddenly there was a knock on the door, and Taichi thought of the worst possible scenarios almost immediately.

Had Shirabu actually followed through the the plan? Did the workers at the school find Shirabu’s body?

Turning open the door, there stood Goshiki and Shirabu. “W-what happened?!” Taichi half yelled. 

Goshiki and Shirabu shushing him, Taichi hugged Shirabu, Goshiki left as he shut the door on them.

Taichi hugged Shirabu as he cried into his arms. 

“How could I be so blind?” Taichi mumbled.

Shirabu sniffled, “I’m sorry...” 

Taichi started tearing up, “you don’t have to be sorry about anything...” 

Shirabu felt awful. Taichi just felt numb.

Goshiki felt shocked, the next day, they didn’t attend practice


	8. Shattered Trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yeah um, this has heavy mentions of serious topics
> 
> TW!!!!  
> SH (Self H*Rm)  
> R*Pe  
> Bullying and Harassment

It was at training camp, and Shibayama was not having a good time unlike the others. He kept checking his phone every two minutes and was constantly looking around the room at the others. Why was he so...on edge. There was nothing in the room that could even harm him, except you know, Yaku.

Leaning back, Shibayama tried to convince himself that he was tired as he let out a fake yawn "Ughh…I should probably go to bed." 

Kuroo turned and looked at the libero, "it's only 6:03pm, and the sun is still out Shibayama-kun." he said quietly. "Do you not feel well, or are you just tired." Shibayama turned his head to avoid the unwanted stare from the captain as he shifted his attention to something else, "no, I feel fine, thanks though." 

As he got up, he quickly shoved his phone inside his pocket. "It was right was it?" He thought to himself as he walked to the bathroom as fast as he could. Peering at his phone, he realized that he had just gotten a new message from an person who he hadn't talked to in a long, long time. "Nagisa..." He thought to himself, where did that name seem familiar? 

one new message from Nagisa:  
"remember me Yuuki."  
delivered at 6:04pm 

Shibayama sat on the floor of the bathroom with his face on his knees as he tried to think about who Nagisa was again. 

Suddenly he remembered...it was not a good memory.

"I wish I didn't" Shibayama whispered into the thin air, hoping no one would walk in on him. 

Shibayama  
"yeah..."  
delivered at 6:09pm

Shutting his eyes, he buried his face deep inside his arms as he tried, oh he tried to forget what had happened in middle school, the worst years of his life. 

Oh what had he done wrong to even deserve this, why did he deserve this, feeling the buzz of his phone, Shibayama looked up and checked his phone.

one new message from Inouka  
"Shibayama, where did you go?"  
delivered at 6:13pm

one new message from Yaku-san  
"Shibayama where are you, Kuroo told me you ran away from the room, come back."  
delivered at 6:12pm

Trying to ease the tensions, Shibayama tried sending a light hearted message to both of them to ease the tensions that he had unknowingly created, by sending them a message to hopefully leave him alone for the time being.

Shibayama  
"yeah I'm fine, you don't need to worry about me."  
delivered at 6:14pm

Shibayama started to get up from where he was sitting but another message prevented him from doing so...

one new message from Nagisa "Do you remember Eva? I hope you do." delivered at 6:17pm

Eva? Who was she again? Shibayama thought, he tried remembering what she looked like and what even happened through his 3 years of middle school. Oh...that was...her, oh yeah.

Shibayama "yeah, why are you even texting me, I thought we agreed to leave each other alone." delivered at 6:20pm 

I should really leave the bathroom, Shibayama thought, walking out of the bathroom, he stopped in front of Nekoma's room. Should I go back in there? He thought anxiously. 

Reaching out to the doorknob, the door suddenly swung open, Yamamoto standing on the other side, "Shibayama?!" 

Yamamoto screamed, "You scared me!!" Shibayama jumped back as he gripped his phone tightly. "Ah! I'm sorry!" Shibayama meekly whimpered. "Why are you apologizing, you don't have to apologize for anything at all." Yamamoto said, walking out, doing a double take on the younger teen, he thought about why the libero was less jumpy than yesterday. 

"Ah, Shibayama, you're back! Hello!" Inouka exclaimed as he walked up to the ravenette who was basically slightly quivering. "Inouka! Hi." Shibayama muttered, quickly sitting down next to a corner. He was sure that Nagisa and Eva were going to come back, and he hated the thought of it so much, what did he even do to deserve this? 

one new message from 81-***-*** "Hey bestie, remember me, it's Eva! delivered at 6:25pm 

No, no, no...this couldn't be happening. Not right now. He couldn't cry in front of his teammates, it was too embarrassing. 

Sending a message back to the spammer he prayed that it would stop eventually. It didn't, it just kept coming and coming. 

Getting up, he ran, he didn't care if everyone noticed him suddenly jump up and run out the door, he didn't dare to take a look back at what had just happened. 

All he knew was that he ran until he ducked behind a large bush, and buried his face into his knees. 

Tears started falling down his cheeks, he started to cry. No, no, no this was not happening right now. Not now. 

Shibayama cried until he heard something behind him, was it a wild animal? "Please go away." He muttered softly. 

Feeling a gentle hand on his back, he turned and looked at the face of a girl. She had reddish hair and her expression was quite lazy. "You okay?" She muttered, she was a manager from Furoukoudani. Shibayama buried his face in his knees again. "I don't know." He sniffled. 

"Well obviously you aren't, you're crying." The girl said, sitting down next to him. "Just call me Yukie, you don't need to use honorifics for me. "We...have the same name..." Shibayama sniffled, feeling a little bit better about the situation. "Call me Shibayama…" Shibayama muttered quietly. Yukie looked at the boy, then back at the school, "what's wrong? You can tell me everything, after all, I have nothing to do." 

Shibayama lifted his face from his knees, it was obvious that he had been crying, and his eyes were red and puffy, but he decided to take a deep breath and try to calm himself before he started to talk to Yukie about what had happened in his middle school years... 

FLASHBACK:

7th grade...

It was the start of a brand new school year at a new school and Shibayama was so nervous and excited at the same time, but the thing was, all of his friends from elementary went to another school because Shibayama lived farther away from his previous elementary school, so he had to go to a Junior High that was closer to his house. That was okay, after all, he could make some new friends that would be right by his side, right? 

Walking to his assigned locker, he noticed a taller boy next to him. The boy took one look at him and gave a slight nod towards Shibayama, "I'm Chuuya Nagisa, first year, nice to meet you." Shibayama looked at the boy, not already 5 minutes in and he had already made a friend?! "I-I'm Shibayama Yuuki, nice to meet you too." Shibayama stammered, "I'm a first year too!" He sheepishly added on. Nagisa gave out a friendly laugh, looking down at the black haired teen, "anyways, see you around, Shibayama-kun." Shibayama watched as Nagisa walked away, 'man, he's so cool.' Shibayama thought. 

Oh how wrong he was, oh how wrong. 

Classes went totally fine that day and Shibayama somehow managed not to get lost. Why was Nagisa so eager to get to know him in the first place, Shibayama didn't think he had the qualities to be picked for a friend to such a cool person. 

He was a just a child's drawing compared to a renaissance painting. 

It was the second day of school when Shibayama bumped into Nagisa at the boy's bathroom washing his hands. "Hello Shibayama, nice seeing you here." He smiled. Shibayama gave off a nervous wave as he anxiously looked around the bathroom in hopes of another person willing to help him out here. "Nice seeing you too Nagisa-san..." He said. 

"Why are you so nervous, there's nothing to be scared of here." Nagisa muttered, holding out his arms. Shibayama gulped. "Hey, why don't you come and eat lunch with me and my friend, I'm sure she'd love your company too." Nagisa grinned excitedly with sparkles in his eyes. 

"Um, yeah sure!" Shibayama grinned. Winking at the first year, he walked out of the bathroom with a pep in his step. Weird. Shibayama thought, but he didn't think too much of it, after all, they were friends right. 

At lunch he joined Nagisa and his friend at a spare table. The friend in question was a dark haired girl who looked quite innocent. "Hello, you must be Shibayama! I'm Eva Fukuwa." Shibayama slightly waved at her before he sat down in front of Nagisa. 

It was a little awkward at first before Nagisa begin to start a conversation that had Shibayama intrigued, why were they so cool?! 

On their first midterms, Nagisa and Eva gave their numbers to Shibayama. "So you can keep in contact with us." Eva grinned. The pair started walking away as another classmate of Shibayama's approached him. "Dude, you're so lucky, Nagisa and Eva are one of the most popular kids in the whole school!" The classmate half screamed.

Popular? Shibayama looked in the direction that he classmate was looking, and realized that Nagisa and Eva were hanging around this large group of people, were those 3rd years?! How many people did Nagisa and Eva know anyways, were they always this popular, even in Elementary? Shibayama wondered as he started walk home, holding the slips of paper with their phone numbers in his hand. 

The first thing that Shibayama did when he got home, was enter in Nagisa and Eva's number into his phone as his fingers nervously tapped out a message. 

To:Nagisa and Eva "um, hello, it's shibayama." delivered at 3:07pm 

Almost immediately, Shibayama's phone buzzed twice. 

Nagisa "Hello Shibayama." Delivered at 3:07pm 

Eva "Hi" Delivered at 3:08pm 

Was this the new life of a popular kid? Shibayama thought happily, he was quite happy to get one of the most popular kid's phone numbers almost immediately when school started. 

Over the next few months, Shibayama got to know the other members of Nagisa's friend group, they were mostly boys, and they were all quite friendly...that's how Shibayama saw them as. Eva's friend group was mostly girls, they were all quite talkative, and wore all the trendy clothes. 

Nothing really bad happened that year except with a few bumps here and there with very minor conflicts in their friend groups, and Shibayama was just happy to be there, nothing too special. He was given a lot of attention from Nagisa, but he was never invited to their group hangouts, why was he never invited, he thought Nagisa saw him with great value to him. 

Oh well, that was okay. 

8th grade...

This...this was the year that everything started to go downhill. 

First of all, in April, one of Eva's galpals accused Shibayama of stealing her clothes in the shower, which Shibayama desperately tried to deny it, he wasn't a pervert! "I really didn't steal it!" Feeling an arm sling around him, Shibayama peered up at a 9th grader, he grinned. "Atta boy, this is what we should do, you're one of us now." He chuckled. 

One of us? Was stealing someone's panties while they were in the shower considered cool? He hoped it wasn't, "You're so skinny." Eva sneered, looking at Shibayama's body at her birthday party, Shibayama felt embarrassed, he wasn't that skinny, he ate 3 meals a day, plus a few snacks, was he really that skinny? "I'm...I'm not that skinny." Shibayama muttered, sliding into the water. 

One another occasion, he was sent a text on Snapchat from "Tai." 

Shibayama recalled that there was a guy name Tai in Nagisa's friend group, but he didn't really get to know him very well. 

From Tai: Hey cutie, you send? 

What. Tai wanted to see Shibayama's nudes. He was very uncomfy with the energy that he had created, why had he even accepted his friend request, and joined Nagisa and Eva's group. He needed to leave. 

Shibayama: Sorry, I'm not really comfortable with that. 

Phone buzzing a second later, Shibayama checked his phone again. 

From Tai: I won't judge, I love you and your insecurities. 

Insecurities? Now that just sounded so backhanded. 

Shibayama: I really don't want to send any nudes, I don't like it, please stop 

Shibayama immediately screenshotted the chat, but there was another message from Tai. 

From Tai: Why did you screenshot the chat lol. 

Shibayama: Not important, I don't want to send any pics. 

From:Tai Oookay, but just know how replaceable you are. 

Shibayama didn't like this at all, jumping onto the text messages, Shibayama tried to come up with a way to talk to Nagisa about what happened with Tai and him. 

The next day, Shibayama lingered around the boy's bathroom for a while as Eva's friend group started walking up to him. "Don't run away." Eva called out. Shibayama froze, what were they gonna do, he wanted to leave the friend group, now. 

"Oh, what is it?" Shibayama asked curiously. "Well, a little birdie told me that you were bullying Tai into replacing him, like you said how replaceable Tai was, do you really think you can really replace such a member like that?" Eva sneered while her gal pals were intently watching, doing absolutely nothing. "I-I never bullied Tai, and I never said how replaceable he was, I don't want to replace him, I want to leave." 

There. He said it, finally, it was over, he would be free. 

"Oh you liar." Eva cooed, shaking her head and walking away. Shibayama just stood there awkwardly as he watched Eva's group walk away, snickering. 

At lunch time, Shibayama sat with Nagisa and the others, why had Tai told Eva that he was going to replace him, and how replaceable he was. He did absolutely nothing wrong, Tai twisted his words. Shibayama looked around nervously, but one of Eva's gal pals noticed him looking alone and vulnerable, leaning in she whispered in his ear. "Fatty, you eat so much, lose some weight, or else no one will love you like us." 

Shibayama felt miserable, why was he being treated like this and why was Nagisa not paying attention to what was happening to him, even though he sat next to him, and could hear what the girl whispered to him. 

Those nasty words...Shibayama promised himself that he wouldn't listen to what the girl said. "I'm not gonna listen to her...I'm not gonna listen to her." He whispered into thin air. 

But yet he found himself crying in a bathroom, purging up the food that he had ate at lunch today in the boy's bathroom. Why won't they leave me alone. The boys pressure me to do horrendous things to girls, and the girls tell me awful things that make me feel worthless, so why am I still here. 

(Shibayama is attending volleyball club in middle school in this story, I just don't mention it that much since that is not the main focus here.) 

Everyone told me to keep moving on forward after a bad experience, but I'm stuck here and I can't move, Nagisa was currently forcing a kiss onto the poor 2nd year as Shibayama tried to move away. "S-stop! I'm gonna die!" Shibayama gasped as he broke the kiss forceably. "It's too much for me, sorry." 

Nagisa looked upset. "Sorry about that Shibayama-kun, but I just couldn't resist, you're just too cute! I wanna eat you up like a meal." Nagisa smirked. 

Crying into a pillow at home, he felt so fucking pathetic, he wished that all of this would just...stop. Suddenly his phone buzzed, it was a message from the gc with over 13 members in it. 

Baddies Periodt From Eva: I bet Shibayama stuffs his pants with tissues to make his dick look bigger. 

From Nagisa: Aww Eva don't be like that 

From Tai: Well, you could always find out 

From:Melanie Otamura I bet he's whining to his mommy right now, oh boohoo. 

Shibayama left the group chat as he started walking to the bathroom, he really didn't want to do this, but why had it gotten to this point. Taking a small blade from the bathroom drawer, he started to glide the blade over his wrist, it really hurt, Why would they do this to him, he thought they were his friends that would always be there for him, why were they turning against him. 

He had to hide for the most part of the day in the boy's bathroom, trying to get away from those girls who were planning to grope him, he didn't enjoy it that much, but he had too, he hated being touched anywhere under his shoulders, or just touched in general without a positive intent. 

He would constantly silently cry in the bathroom almost every single day, he hated middle school, he wanted to get out of this hellhole. 

One day, before the last day of 8th grade, he decided to confront Nagisa, Eva, and Tai about the situation altogether, by making a group chat. 

Stop it From Shibayama: Um, I made this group chat because I wanted to talk about some things 

From:Tai That's kinda boring but go off 

From Nagisa: Okay Yuuki, just talk 

From Eva: Ugh, I told you not to add me in random group chats, so what's the point of this 

From Shibayama:

I want to leave the group, it's not right for me

There was a pause as Nagisa and Eva started typing, then stopped at the same time. Were they together In person, or no? Did he make the right choice, or did he screw it all up again. 

From Nagisa: Aww :( I'll miss you, but if that makes you happier then, fine 

From Tai: Fine Shibayama sighed a breath of relief, but what would Eva say. 

From Eva: Bye I guess. Shibayama had finally done it, finally, there would be no more Eva tormenting him, he was free, oh he was free, and it was so refreshing. But why did he feel guilty afterwards, after all, he had done the right thing, right? 

9th grade... 

Finally, he had a fresh start, the past two years had been rough for him, but he was sure that it would not happen this year again. But that ended with him trying to hold back tears as he ran into the bathroom at the end of the day. He had overheard one of the girls from Eva's group say that she had written an explicit fanfiction about her having hardcore seggs with Shibayama on a fanfiction network and airdropped it to everyone in the grade. 

Shaking hands, he opened up the fanfiction, tears streaming down his face as he read the contents of the lewd story, would it be better to just write a fanfiction about a fictional character instead of a real person, it was better wasn't it, he didn't wanna continue reading, shutting off his phone, he ducked in the corner of the bathroom stall as he overheard some group of boys coming into the bathroom, talking amongst themselves, Shibayama overheard some of the conversation. "I don't know why he's like this." 

"He ruins everything." Wiping his tears with the back of his hands, he was sure that they were talking about him. He thought that leaving the friend group would mean that all of the nasty shit that they said about Shibayama would stop. Receiving a text message from some unknown number, he felt even worse as he read the string of messages attached. 

"Do it, don't eat." "Starve yourself fatty." 

"kys" "You ruin everything" 

"You make everything worse." "I wish I never met you." 

"Go die loser." "Pathetic loser who can't do anything right." 

"You're alone and it's all your fault." "We never enjoyed your presence" 

"it's all your fault." Shibayama screenshotted all those messages hoping that it would hold some evidence in case he had to testify against them in court, could he even file a lawsuit. 

Purging all of his food that night, Shibayama looked in the mirror, he didn't see himself, he didn't even feel like himself anymore. "I just wanna change." He sniffled. The months went by without anything too bad happening, sure he would get an occasional glance from someone or a strange look from Nagisa and Eva, but he didn't care, after all, he was free from that hellhole he had dug himself into. 

It was the first day of summer vacation when Shibayama got a text from Nagisa. "Not him again." "Hey, I'm sorry about what happened to you and Eva, but we'd like to invite you to my house we can start things back up again on a good note." 

Shibayama thought about it, "Fine..." He texted back, slipping on a t-shirt and some shorts, he rode the bus to Nagisa's apartment as the map read. "Uhh, hello?" Eva said, confused. Shibayama stepped into the house, slightly nervous, Nagisa's house was quite modern and vast. 

"You'd be dead without me Shibayama, so be grateful that you have me on your side." Eva snarled viciously. Shibayama tried to distract himself from what she had just said to him, what happened to the "starting things back up again on a good note." "Here, have a glass of water." Nagisa smiled, pushing a fizzy drink next to him. Shibayama felt a little uneasy as he took the glass of water and started to drink it, suddenly he felt so so drunk, until he was knocked out raw. 

"Now." A voice said, right as Shibayama's mind went blank. He didn't really recall what happened, he just knew that he drank something and that Nagisa and Eva were on top of him, forcefully touching areas that he didn't want to be touched at. "Shtoooopp!!" Shibayama tried to scream, but he was so drowsy that he couldn't do anything to stop what was happening, he had to just wait it out. 

"Hold still cutie pie." Nagisa's voice echoed through Shibayama's mind as he felt something rough enter him, screaming, he was immediately silenced by a kiss, by Eva. He suddenly fell asleep, as he heard the voices echo, was it him that was screaming, or was it someone else that was screaming. 

Waking up in his own room, Shibayama looked around, everything hurt, he felt utterly useless as he peered at the clothes that he was wearing. "NO!" He cried, jumping into the bath, he immediately dunked his head under the water, hair flowing everywhere, he wanted to get away from all of the guilt and pain. I start high school in a few months...please let this be better than my middle school years. 

END OF FLASHBACK "I'm...I'm so sorry Shibayama-kun…" Yukie muttered, rubbing Shibayama's back, Shibayama had become a mess, he was so tired and done of everything. "This isn't okay, you need to tell someone." 

Shibayama nodded, "I don't wanna do it myself..." Shibayama sniffled. "That's fine, I understand." Yukie said, standing up, stretching, she stretched out a hand towards Shibayama as she pulled him up, "how about this, you go clean yourself up, and get a drink of water while I talk to someone from your team about your situation." 

Shibayama gave a small grin. "That sounds fine." Heading to the bathroom, Shibayama splashed freezing cold water onto his face to clear up his puffy red eyes as he had been crying, and started walking to the cafeteria after he'd cleaned himself off. 

Yukie anxiously knocked on the door leading to the Nekoma Volleyball Club, the person who answered it was Yaku. "Oh, Shirfuku-san, nice to see you again." Yukie gave a lazy smile as she whispered into his ear. "Step outside, we need to talk about your underclassman, Shibayama." Shibayama finally went back into Nekoma's room, running up to Inouka, they started to talk about stuff they enjoyed as Shibayama realized he wasn't alone. 

Not anymore


	9. Heard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a silent voice reference

The sky was getting dark, people chattered around him, the appetizing smell of street food lingered around the area as Akitomo, Hoshiumi and Hirugami walked around the area wearing their Yukatas. They were at the Nagano Fireworks Festival, Hoshiumi had approached him the other day at practice and asked him if he wanted to come with him to see the fireworks up close with him. Of course Hirugami accepted the offer to.

Stopping at a grassy area, Hoshiumi waited for his friend, "is this spot fine?" he asked excitedly, Hirugami gave a slow nod, "I like this spot, we aren't too close to people, and we have a good view of the fireworks." "Well, lets sit down then." Akitomo muttered, looking at his younger brother and his friend, rolling out the mat, they carefully set it on the grass, sitting down, they stared at the dark sky, "it should be coming up anytime now." Akitomo said, looking at the sky. 

"Sachiro- here's some tea!" Hoshiumi beckoned, handing a small cup of tea towards the brunette, "oh, thank you." Hirugami muttered, gratefully offering the tea, taking a small sip, he looked back at his friend, he was about to say something before he was cut off by a loud boom of a firework explosion.

Looking up, he gazed at the fireworks, they were super pretty as they exploded in the air, "well, I'm gonna go and get fried noodles, see ya." Akimoto started to get up and walk away, leaving the two teens alone with each other.

"Kourai-kun, thank you for everything." Hirugami grinned, looking up at the fireworks, the faint illumination of the colors reflecting on his face, Hoshiumi never really took notice of his face before, but why was he so...attractive?! "Oh- um, thanks," Hoshiumi muttered quickly. Standing up, Sachiro looked back at the exit, "I have to go, my mother wants me to do something for her." He said quickly, standing up, he started walking away from Kourai. "Huh? But we've only been here for at least 45 something minutes? Leaving so soon?" Hirugami turned and looked back at the shorter boy with a smile. 

"Thank you for being my friend." Looking confused, Kourai sat down, "but fireworks are not over yet..." he thought. 

Walking along the path of the the exit, he decided to follow the boy, he knew it was impolite to do so, but he had to.

"What did he mean by saying he was grateful that I was my friend." Kourai thought, walking up the steps to Hirugami's apartment, knocking on his door twice, he waited for an answer, no, nothing.

Deciding to do something he should never do, he twisted the doorknob, much to his surprise, it was unlocked. Slipping into the apartment, Hoshiumi looked around, it was a seemingly normal apartment with some family photos, "sorry for the intrusion..." he muttered, something catching his eye. 

It was Hirugami, he was at the balcony, but wait...he was stepping onto the railing of the balcony, one foot after another... Sachiro was gonna commit suicide from his balcony. 

Hoshiumi started run, "STOP!" He screamed, a chair leg catching his foot, tripping, Hoshiumi paused, waiting for the pain to subside, getting up, he saw it, the window curtain was floating angelically as Hirugami's Yukata fluttered gently in the soft breeze. He was beautiful. Suddenly there was a giant boom of a firework exploding as Sachiro disappeared from view. 

"SACHIRO!!"

...Held on by Hoshiumi's hands, Hirugami was dangling from the balcony, just barely, he was a 6'3" teen, and Hoshiumi was a 5'7" teen, "Sachiro..." Hoshiumi gasped, gripping onto his arm. 

Hirugami was in shock, tears streamed down from his eyes, how could Kourai even see him like this? "Kourai-kun..." He cried softly, Hoshiumi closed his eyes, trying to pull him up, it worked...but yet it was no use, Hirugami was gonna die and it was all Kourai's fault. "I'm sorry Kourai..." Hirugami muttered under his breath, Hoshiumi wasn't gonna give up so easily, "please...god...just lend me one more ounce of strength...!" He grumbled, with one hefty pull, he managed to pull the teen back up on the railing, but wait... 

He was falling, forwards, towards the ground... down...down...down...


End file.
